Should I let my kid play video games because all of their friends are playing?
A guide to introducing your kids to video games for the first time

Your kid asks to play video games but they have never played them before. What do you do? The first thing to realize is that we do not have complete control over our children. If their friends are playing video games, they will likely also be playing video games when at their friends’ houses. So, it is not advisable to tell them they cannot play (obviously we are here to tell you that they should play if they are interested)! Rather than insisting on a full ban and putting your head in the sand like Australia just did with social media, it can be more effective to guide your child’s choices around when and what types of games are ok to play.
Do I have to give in and accept the inevitable?
The choice of whether or how much the members of your family play video games belongs with your family. There can be many reasons you decide not to introduce your kid to video games. You may want to wait until they're older and hopefully a little wiser. You don’t have the time or energy to monitor their game playing. There isn’t time in your family’s schedule to include video games. Your reasoning will be as unique as your family. This reasoning can be applied to anything else too (e.g., do I want my kid to start gymnastics, piano, or soccer?)
This is also not an all-or-none decision. Maybe you introduce video games to get through traveling or only on weekends or only on snow days. Or maybe your kid is really interested in video games so they end up playing more often. No matter what you decide, you will need to set some sort of boundary. And, as several parenting experts have said, it is your kid’s job to have feelings about those boundaries. Your kid being upset about a boundary doesn’t mean you picked a bad boundary or are the mean parent, it just means they are testing how strong this boundary really is. However, your kid will have access to games outside of your home, so no matter where your boundary is, it’s a good idea to have open conversations with them to learn what their friends are playing and why you have the rules you do around video games.
How do I introduce access to video games to my kid?
1. Figure out which game platform(s) you want your kid to use
First, we should cover some basics about all video games to make sure we’re all on the same page, then we can dive into how to make these decisions for your family.
Games can be played on all sorts of devices, but every game is not available on every device. Games can be on mobile devices (phone or tablet), computers (PC or Mac), consoles (e.g. Nintendo Switch or Xbox), or VR systems (e.g. Oculus Quest).
Mobile Games
Mobile games are generally the cheapest and most readily available option. Even so, there are some games that are available only on Apple or Android or even only on AmazonFire. Many mobile games are free and the others are only a few dollars. These games are also the least curated. It can be very easy to make mobile games, so there are constantly new games popping up. Many innocuous seeming games can also have problematic mechanics. The free games will always include ads and you as the parent don’t really have control over what they see in those ads. Most of them also work on a “Freemium” model, where the game is free but there is a never ending stream of upgrades for money, and loot boxes. Some of the most popular mobile games, like Candy Crush, for example, are designed with “constant dopamine hits” where there are lots of bright colors and rewards and bonuses for just about everything. They are immediately gratifying, but like eating candy – an initial rush of enjoyment without any other nutrition. Mobile games aren’t all bad – there are lots of great mobile games out there – but they probably take the most work to vet any given game.
Computer-based Games
Computer-based games tend to be a little more expensive than mobile games (although there are still free ones or ones that are temporarily free or deeply discounted). Often the more expensive games have more hours of intentional gameplay. These also require a computer with enough power to run the games. These games are often bought through a digital distribution platform (e.g. Steam or Epic), which provide a community of gamers who share their reviews of the games.
Console Games
Consoles are devices specifically made to play video games and the big titles can be expensive – the new Mario Kart World that will be released soon is priced at $79.99. These games are also a one-time purchase. Once you own the game, you own the whole game and won’t need to pay more. There will sometimes be expansion packs, but they are more like buying a second, less expensive game than buying the countless upgrades in a free game.
Virtual Reality
Virtual Reality (VR) devices are the most specialized. They require a VR headset and controllers at a minimum and can have much more expensive add-on devices for a more immersive experience. Other than the Oculus Quest headsets, they require a separate, powerful computer. The games are usually bought through digital distribution platforms (Meta or Steam) and are priced similarly to computer-based games. VR headsets are also designed with adults in mind. This means the headset may not fit younger children and some headsets will fit better than others on older kids.
2. Consider how video games will fit into your family’s schedule and routine
Much like adding any activity to your kid’s schedule, you should think about how to include video game playing time. While our society has attached a lot of moral judgments to video games, they are just another activity like playing soccer, reading for fun, playing physical board or card games, or drawing. Each one has its benefits and drawbacks and depending on your child’s interests, they may or may not fit well with your family.
As an example, let’s say you are faced with choosing whether to get the physical or digital version of a board game. Which one should you choose? It depends. The digital version can travel more easily, so you can take it out to a restaurant or while you travel, whereas with the physical game you would be worried about losing critical pieces of the game. The digital version would also be on a device that could contain multiple games, which can be very convenient but also mean that your child can’t focus to finish a game if they can start a new one so easily. Physical games also don’t require any time to charge (but do require set-up) and involve different fine motor skill demands than digital games. Neither choice is right or wrong, but depending how you see your child using it, one might be a better fit than the other to your family in a particular instance. You may also want to get both if your kid really loves the game!
3. Explore the games available on your chosen platform and your child’s interest
This is not the time to assume you know all the answers about why your child wants to play video games. This is a time to explore what your kid is excited about and whether the games they think they want to play match with that excitement. It could be that your kid just feels like they’re missing out, but it could also be that they have heard specific things that they want to do, too. One of the best things about video games is that they provide opportunities for your kid to make choices and have control over what they do, something they are often missing in their other activities.
Types of Games
Keep in mind that not all games are the same. Based on your kid’s interests and temperament, they may prefer different types or genres of games. If your kid likes to play pretend, they may be interested in role-playing games or other story-driven games. If they like to figure out how things work, they may prefer puzzle or strategy games. If your kid likes playing sports or just never stops moving, they might like sports or action games. Each kind of game provides its own benefits and all games should provide a sense of fun and play. If the game isn’t fun, it’s not a good fit for your kid.
There’s also the question of whether the games need to be “educational.” Calling a game “educational” has become a way for us to absolve ourselves for the “sin” of letting our kid play a video game. The difference between educational games and entertainment games is that theoretically the developers had different priorities – one kind is trying to teach you something and the other is just for fun. However, many (most?) educational games were not designed with learning experts on the team and don’t actually teach anything, they just tend to be less fun. Entertainment games, on the other hand, can be very effective teaching tools, from strengthening our brains to exploring difficult concepts and situations in a safe setting.
Types of Social Interaction
There is also the question of who (if anyone) you and your kid agree they can play with. Some games are simply single player, some can be single player with a multiplayer mode, some may be only multiplayer. How a player connects with other players also varies. For some games they may need to be physically present in the same place or get an invitation code to join the game. Others can randomly assign you to a team of people you don’t know or allow you to join as a team. For younger children it is probably best to keep close control of who they are playing with – either being physically together or needing a specific code and organizing with other parents. As children get older, as with the other aspects of their lives, they will want more independence. Developing more independence is great, but this needs to come with skill building around how to appropriately interact with other players online and general internet safety. Even when you let them play independently, you should keep an ear out to hear how they are talking to other players and to ask them questions about the games they are playing.
Video games can also be a chance for your family to do something fun together! There are lots of “party” type games where you can have a friendly competition between players and cooperative games where you work together to accomplish a goal. There are also a growing number of games that allow multiplayer, where one of the players is a “companion” who doesn’t lose as long as the main character is still succeeding. These are great for parents and kids to play together.
Game Ratings
All computer and console games are now required to carry a rating from the Entertainment Software Ratings Board (ESRB), much like movie ratings. A game can be E for everyone, E10+ (for everyone 10 years old and older), T for Teen, M for Mature (17+), or A for Adult 18+ only with additional information about possible features of concern. Much like movie ratings, the actual age recommendations may not line up with your child (either they can handle games beyond their age or can’t handle games at the higher end for their age), but they provide some guidance about the content for parents. Also like movie ratings, each category contains a large range of experiences, some of which might be perfectly fine for your kid while others are not. Usually content descriptors will be included within the same box as the rating. Content descriptors can refer to substances (e.g. alcohol use), blood/gore (including cartoon blood), humor (including comical mischief), violence, gambling, language (profanity), or sexuality (sexual content or themes). These ratings can be helpful guidance, but it can also be misleading, so it shouldn’t be your only metric for whether to let your kid play a given game.
4. Choose a game (or a few games) to try out
Game Content
Everywhere you can buy games will show you pictures and often video of gameplay, but these are carefully selected to seem like the most fun and can be misleading about the actual experience of playing the game.
There are several ways to experience a game either to check it out before buying it or seeing exactly what your kid may encounter if you already have the game. Many physical stores that sell video games will have systems set up with the most popular games for you to try out before you commit to buying them. This has the added bonus that you might actually be able to get some shopping done, too!
Sometimes games offer demo versions online for free. Or you may know someone who already has the game and will let you check it out.
But you don’t need to play every game to understand the experience. There are many accounts on YouTube and Twitch that specialize in showcasing various games. Many Twitch streamers play games and their stream is just them playing, either alone or with friends. YouTube is also full of playthroughs of games where you can see the player play through the entire game. Some playthroughs just show the game with no commentary, but many have commentary. Some commentary may be aimed at an older audience, but some are specifically family friendly, like ZebraGamer and ZXMany. These can be an easy shortcut to understand how people actually play the game and to seeing later stages in the game without having to play the whole game yourself.
Starting to Game
You’ve made a plan for how to fit gaming into your family’s life and picked out a game or two for your child you play. Now is when you get to test out all your well thought out decisions. Keep in mind that no plan survives unscathed when subjected to reality. You’ll probably need to adjust your plan as you see how your kid and your family actually adjust to gaming. You may find that your kid doesn’t like the game you chose or doesn’t find gaming quite as fun as they thought. They may also love gaming and dive headlong into it. Remember that this is just like anything else they love – playing with Hot Wheels or Barbies, following sports, love for a comic book hero – and their seeming obsession is normal. Just like with the other loves, you can use this love to connect to other activities and to connect with your child.
This still feels overwhelming. How can I know I’m making the right decision?
Video games are just like any other activity you or your kid does. As long as the decision works for your family, you’ve made the right decision. And if your decision doesn’t work for your family or if it stops working for you in the future, you can revisit and change it.
Also remember you are not the only one making these decisions. Other parents are facing the same struggles and it can be helpful to compare notes. You can find out what other parents are considering or what rules they already have. You can ask the parents of those friends who are playing games already how they chose what games were allowed and when. You can’t be an expert in everything, and figuring out any parenting decision can become a full time job, so if you can build up a community of some parents, you can split the work. This doesn’t need to mean you all make the same decisions, but that the parents who know the most about games (or any other topic) can share what they know and how they made decisions for their families.
If you’re reading this, then you probably already know you can also find content creators who cover these topics. And we’re honored to be one of those accounts! We went so far as to get Ph.D.s in this area and are driven to share the research with other parents. Our next post will be about what kinds of games help build cognitive skills and how to use this information to choose “good” games.